So here I am minding my own damn business, entertaining myself with other people’s business, when I came across the topic of today’s rant.
Switch hitting black men.
The post I read was created by a family member of mine. For the sake of anonymity we will call him Jason. A black gay man. Now, I’m not going to go into the specifics of the post but the gist of it was that he was wondering how many people would be shocked if he was to start dating a woman. When I first read the post I didn’t look too much into it as he will frequently do things just for shock value. I figured that this was solely created to attract attention and chuckled. I was about to continue scrolling past it when I read the preview comment shown below the post. Intrigued as to where the conversation was going, I opened it to investigate further and I almost gagged at what I found there.
Before we get all the way into it, let me give you a little back story.
Jason was raised in a single parent home by a strong black woman. He was surrounded by a loving black family who doted on him as most black families I know, tend to do with male children. Everyone knew he was a gay man from a very early age and he made the decision to come out of the closet after graduating from high school as so many of us do.
Early on he expressed his interest in things that are not readily associated as things black people participate in and he has never been shunned for it. So much so, that it came as no surprise when he let us know that he had no sexual attraction to black men for various reasons. None of the reasons, in my opinion, amounted to being any more than him not liking black people in general. I recall asking him once before what it was, about white men, that attracted him. The reasons he gave, all had something to do with black men being less than. Things like all black gay men like to dress in drag, or they all act like niggas, no jobs, had baby mamas, are broke, ghetto, etc. Disturbing as it was for us all to know how he felt about black men and black people in general, as a family we still support him and the decisions he decides to make.
With that out of the way, lets get into this thing.
I opened the post to find that Jason and one of his friends are having a lighthearted exchange about the idea of him dating a woman. I followed along with the conversation in a similar manner until I came to a point where they began speaking about preference of women.
Hold on tight because this is where shit starts to get interesting.
The ambiguously raced friend of his says to Jason, that he should get with a white girl because she would “change his life”, the context read to me as if he was promoting dating a white woman over any other race. The friend continued by making a few comments about how Jason would be seen as a valuable specimen to white women because of his height and light skin tone (slave mentality). To which Jason responds, “that he is more into black women if he were to be a straight man.”
Okay, let’s take a couple of steps back for just a second. While I feel that the problem has already made itself evident, someone out there may read this and not understand what my problem is with all of this.
First of all, the comment made by Jason’s friend is way out of line as it promotes the idea that being a light skinned black man is better than being a dark skinned black man in the eyes of white women, and hell, people in general. I don’t know how much news you’ve been watching lately but light skinned black men are getting killed everyday in the streets at the same rate as dark skinned black men.
Secondly, this friend referring to dating a white woman as something to be held in higher regard over dating a woman of any other race is outright laughable. Please someone explain to me why dating a white woman is equated to being some grand prize over any other race, in this context. You know what, never mind. Keep that opinion to yourself.
And lastly, and this one is going to be a long one.
*sips water and does finger stretches before I begin*
After all that the black community, by way of Jason’s family, has done for him he made the decision to only deem white men worthy of being in a relationship with based on his own racist views of black men and the black community, when he himself is black. So to play this hypothetical game of “if I were straight” and then add to that “I’d date a black woman” is offensive as fuck.
Maybe you aren’t getting that last part. You may be asking yourself, “As a black woman, shouldn’t she be happy that he said he would prefer to date a black woman?” to which I respond with a resounding “HELL TO THE NAW!”
For all of Jason’s life he has decided that black people are not worth his time, effort or attention. He totes a few black friends to keep the appearance of being tolerant of his own kind, when in reality, he only wants to have anything to do with them when he needs or wants something from them.
So I’m supposed to be flattered that after he has had his share of failed relationships with white men who, not because of race, have all in some way contributed to the bad life decisions that have led him to having to deal with things he may have had to deal with otherwise. He now wants to consider a black woman as a viable option for companionship. It seems to me like Jason is looking for another strong black woman like his mother to take care of him and fix the mess his racism played a part in creating. Not to mention, his intention to add to the already robust culture of down low brothers.
I read a post earlier today about a black woman’s experience raising her son as a single parent and the backlash she receives from black men in regards to her parenting technique. The post talked about how men were quick to make comments about how women aren’t equipped to raise men because women coddle the male children.
As I commented to her earlier, I can see how this is true of some single mother situations. In my personal experience being the oldest child of four and the only girl, I was raised completely different than my brothers. I was taught at a very early age to take care of myself and not to depend on anyone else to do it for me. There were times when learning this lesson was harder than others. Because of my upbringing, I have grown to become a strong woman. My brothers on the other hand were raised in a coddled environment and as a result I find myself taking care of them, and at times slipping into the bad habit of coddling them as well.
All women deserve better than to have some man decide that after they are done playing with their own lives that they will just come into a woman’s and expect her to pick up whatever broken pieces were left behind as the consequences of his decisions.
And in my opinion, this applies even more so to black women. For centuries we have been the maids responsible for cleaning up other peoples messes. We continue to be seen, by some black men, as nothing more than a tool to be used to help them reach their highest potential. Only to be left behind after we groom and nurture them.
For his sake, I truly hope that this is nothing more than a hypothetical situation and not some real life thing he is considering because while I respect his right to do with his body what he wants, what I won’t do is sit back and watch him destroy some unsuspecting WOMAN’S life.
Well not on my fucking watch! I give you my word that should this situation ever go from being hypothetical to reality and our paths cross, I will be the first to tell you…