fuckery.

I tried to get out of writing today.

I rationalized it by telling myself that I was going to go to the gym to start getting rid of some of the extra pounds I didn’t ask for or want and  as luck would have it I was able to find a gym partner at the last minute. I wanted to go and use the state-of-the art equipment that I had free access to at my job but I didn’t want to go by myself. As clumsy and forgetful as I am, I could just see myself getting trapped under some weights with no one there to help me out.

Nope, I definitely needed a partner.

Sure my new found enthusiasm to exercise would be cutting into my writing time, but I posted twice yesterday so that counts right?

I got home and pulled out the gym clothes I hadn’t donned in months from the back of my closet and got dressed. I stopped to catch a glimpse of myself in my full length mirror and smiled back at the blob of fat I was about to go start chiseling away.

Thunder rumbled and I was starting to lose my partner.

She had already been making comments about the rain and how she didn’t mix well with it. I was still holding out hope that she would pull through. After all, I only needed her to make it to my house and I could drive us the rest of the way. We got off the phone when she made it home. She just needed to go grab her running shoes and she would be right here. 20 minutes later I got the cancellation call.

drama

Still determined to get in some activity, I toyed with the idea of bringing my treadmill inside from the storage closet and setting it up in the dining room. I dismissed the idea once I realized I’d also have to put it away when I was done.

My excuse to not honor the commitment I’d made to myself had fallen away. I sat on the couch in my workout gear and opened the bottle of water I had planned on finishing after a full on cardio session. I sat back on the couch, kicked off my shoes, and picked up my cellphone. I’ve been pretty M.I.A. from social for the past few days so I figured I’d give it a few good scrolls. I turned up with nothing that caught my interest.

Finally ready to accept defeat, I went to sit at the writing station I’d set up in my living room just as my brother decides he would like to play his video game. Forever accommodating, I agree to let him occupy the space and I move my things into my bedroom. Just as I’m starting to get into a groove my wife comes in from work.

All the distractions were not helping me focus to get out a blog that said something.

Not long after I pulled up the website, another procrastination opportunity appeared. Let’s re-do the whole website. Change the layout. Are you sure you want such bright colors? How about that font? 30 minutes on the computer and I was happy with the layout but still felt unaccomplished so here I am.

Telling my troubles to no one as I sit on the stairs watching lighting flash over the top of my laptop.

If I’m honest with myself I’m actually upset. I just haven’t figured out why yet.

 

2 thoughts on “fuckery.

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