I’ve been eating my feelings.
I feel myself slowly slipping back into depression and I can’t stand it! Some days I wish I was still a smoker or at the very least a drinker. Both of which were my self medications of choice. Since deciding that I want to live longer, I’ve been trying to walk the path of sobriety and it has exposed how mentally fragile I actually am.
Most days I’m fine but it’s the days I’m not that are causing me worry.
I went off medication about a month ago and things had been going well. I made the decision to stop taking them once I did research into them and found that the list of side effects and potential for long term dependency were not what I want for my life. I felt and feel that I am still strong enough to try to combat this without developing a chemical dependency but y’all this shit is HARD. Another reason I decided to go off script (see what I did there lol), was because I was starting to see the needle on the scale climb. In the month I had began taking the medication I had gained 5lbs. I know that may not seem like a lot but looking at it with the other health issues I have, adding weight was not ideal.
A month post medication and I have gained a total of 22lbs. W.T.F.
Now, I’m not going to sit here and act like the indulgence in grilled cheese sandwiches, chocolate chip cookies, and anything of the fried variety, have not had their play in the weight I have gained. I’m not delusional. What’s bothering me is the speed in which this has happened. I’ve been monitoring my weight daily. and it seems that I am gaining 2lbs per day.
While I would love to be able to blame all of my weight gain on discontinuation side effects of stopping my meds, I have to be honest with myself and admit that I have fallen victim to eating my feelings. I’m worried that this problem will quickly get away from me and before I know it I will be one of the people on my 600lb life.
I have to find some way to break this cycle of consuming things as a way to fill whatever emotional void is present at the moment.
Great! I’ve taken a good long look at myself this morning and now I’m craving a cookie.
Will I eat one? three? five?
I’m going to make the effort not to go and have cookies because I am sad.
Experiment: Keep blogging about any and everything this morning until I either get sick of living inside my own head and decide to go take a nap or the urge to go and eat falls away.