Target practice

Warning: This post will be discussing race. If you are sensitive to the topic or can not handle reading about someone else’s experience without feeling personally attacked, this is not for you. I repeat, this is my experience, not an attack on any person.

Like so many people, I quit my last job because of poor management.

It was a sales position that came with a lot of responsibilities and I was ready to start focusing more on myself. Mainly my physical and mental health. The job I had been working was very demanding, high energy, and fast paced so needless to say, when I found this job I was excited to start because the job description lead me to believe that I would be reducing my workload alongside my pay (wasn’t thrilled about the pay part but the cut didn’t hurt too bad.). I say all this to say, I’m now realizing, again, that all that glitters ain’t gold.

I feel I am under attack as a person…

The completion of this post is coming. I have written and rewritten this at least 4 times already and I’m not finding the tone I want to come across in.

Is it possible for someone to be unconsciously racist?

I have been noticing more and more everyday that the mediocrity of some white people I encounter daily is met with praise and adoration where as I feel like I have to do twice as much for the same.

Where one person’s inability to complete the functions of their job is met with a reduction in their workload, the smallest mistakes made by me results in condescending emails.

Everyday I walk into a situation feeling as if I have to shuck and jive just to stay employed, like everything I do and say is under investigation. I’ve never had to code switch at a job before. I’m used to being able to be outwardly human. The concern has always been whether or not the customer / client was happy, and that my work be completed on time with as few errors as possible.

I sit in a state of constant worry that if I don’t laugh at a joke, or appear cheery enough, or engaged enough that I will be terminated. Meanwhile my white counterparts are allowed to feel their feelings without reprimand. This has resulted in me performing for 8 hours a day everyday of the work week.

Can a person be unconsciously racist?

Let me know your thoughts down below…

 

Until next time…

Don’t judge me, you don’t know my life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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