I’m a damn lightweight


How the hell did I become a lightweight?

My friend Damaris came by to have breakfast with me today.

I was feeling particularly fancy so I suggested we make chicken and waffles with fruit cups and mimosas here at the house. I should tell you, I quit drinking last year when I realized that I was using it as a form of self medicating. Also, it helped me kick my pack a day cigarette habit.

Now, I wanted to be extra today and make everything from scratch but as soon as I got in the car with my friend this morning she instantly suggested a drive-thru because she was starving.

Girl what?

I had gotten up super early showered and made myself look somewhat decent to go the 200grocery store and this girl was talking about a drive-thru breakfast. .

I was not doing this with her this morning.

Still, I can understand raging hunger so I compromised and just bought everything frozen. Our quick trip to the grocery store turned into a half an hour long event after I had to stand in the world’s slowest moving line to get my rent paid. 

Once we made it back to the house our breakfast date had turned into a whole ass brunch date. I wasn’t tripping though, it made the day drinking we were preparing to do a little bit more acceptable. I slid the frozen chicken strips in the oven at the same time as the Belgian waffles and started to pour drinks.

I’m no fool, I know my limits and knew that I would not need a lot of alcohol in my drink so I poured accordingly. After the first sip of my barely alcoholic beverage I was already feeling the effects. What the world?



I ate, figuring I’d be able to handle my mimosas that were no stronger than a freaking spritzer a little better, and for the most part I was right. The drink didn’t seem nearly as strong and I was able to sip my way to the bottom of the glass. We finished eating and moved to the living room where Tre was already napping on the couch. During her partying the night before with Nidra Not Nice and my brother she had forgotten that she is half way through her 30’s and can’t drink like she used to. Her body got her in check real quick this morning though. She tapped out before we even got through brunch.

Being the amazing hostess that I am, I brought the girls some blankets to curl up under while we watched some re-runs of Law and Order. Not ten minutes after we sat down I looked over to find Damaris sleep on the couch cuddling with Pepper.


Really guys?

Slowly the alcohol started to work its magic on me. I was relaxed and getting sleepy my damn self. Since both of the couches were occupied, I decided to come to my room and turn on Hulu. You know I’ve been binge watching How I Met Your Mother, again, so it was already cued up.

The next damn thing I know, I’m waking up from a glorious sleep and its four o’clock in the damn afternoon.

that-moment-when-you-wake-up-from-a-nap-and-17679946That one damn mimosa with barely a quarter cup of champagne and a whole cup of orange juice put me on my ass.

I’m now officially a lightweight drinker. I’m now the girl people make fun of at the bar for getting wasted off of half a beer. I wanna be mad. Like a part of my gangster died but then I look at the time it took Tre to recover from last nights bender and I don’t mind as much.

Until next time…

Don’t judge me, you don’t know my life!!

One thought on “I’m a damn lightweight

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