I need a cigarette

I miss packing a fresh pack and using the little gold line to open them. I miss the burst of tobacco and mint fragrance that emerges from the box as soon as you flip the top, and the small struggle to wiggle the first stick loose from the rest of its friends.

I miss the slight taste of mint when I put it against my lips to light, and the rough flick of a lighter against my fingertips.

The first hit.

Oh!

The good burn against the back of my throat. The feeling of euphoria that follows shortly after. The five to seven minute escape during the workday to be alone with my thoughts and my cigarette.

Accordingly to my quit smoking app it has been one year, six months, and 24 days since my last puff and I’m really feeling it.

I’d been pretty much crave free, giving the exception to a few days here and there, and now here I am in the heart of a two week long intense craving. As much as I want to go to the store in this rain and slide the cashier $7 for a pack and a lighter, I know that I can’t, because you don’t have just one cigarette.

Reasons I can’t have a cigarette:

  • I’m training for a 5k
  • Just one, won’t be just one.
  • My clothes, hair, and hands will reek of smoke again.
  • My breath will stink
  • I will be reversing a lot of the dental work I’ve had done.
  • I don’t want to go back to spending $50 a week on a smoking habit.
  • I dont want to have to clean ashtrays.
  • My car will smell like smoke.
  • I will have to start my quit tracker over.
  • My risk for lung disease, heart attacks, and cancer will go back up.

I want a cigarette because mind is telling me I want one. I’m not going to have a cigarette because I have come too far on my journey to give up now.

I’m gonna go to bed and hope for even stronger resolve to stay the course.

Until next time.

Don’t judge me…

You don’t know my life!!

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