Sitting on the toilet

The most time I spend on my phone all day is when I’m sitting on the toilet in the morning. The first thing I do when I wake up everyday is roll over and reach for my phone. This usually pisses Pepper off since she oftentimes gets accidentally kicked because she likes to fall asleep between my legs. I pick up my phone in the same way every morning though and follow the same routine. I check for missed notifications (there’s not many if any these days), I check the weather, cast Hulu to the tv (2 broke girls is my current favorite show to get ready for work to in the mornings), then I log into Tumblr and mindlessly scroll for a while (I prefer to think of this time as stimulated meditation as I can’t actually describe to you anything I see on Tumblr before 9 a.m.).

Anyway, I do all of this before my feet even hit the floor. Even though these things only take me a few minutes to go through each morning they are still things that take up my time. I usually lay around not doing anything anywhere from thirty minutes to an hour before I drag myself upright and make a beeline for the coffee pot. Gotta get my bowels motivated, nothing worse than having to shit at work first thing in the morning. Coffee in hand, I make my way to the toilet where I sit and, you guessed it, pull out my phone.

From my porcelain throne I launch into my next round of morning rituals that equate to more wasted time. From here on out I am consciously wasting minutes. While I wait on nature to take its course I sit and play candy crush, log in and out of snapchat as if something interesting or engaging has happened over the last six minutes since I’ve been on there. I stare off into space. Pick at my toenail polish. Rebraid the ends of my braids and a whole slew of other unnecessary things.

I could use this time in the mornings to meditate. To reflect on ways I could make the day better and to speak positive affirmations over my life. I could do what I did today which was log on to WordPress and read work done by other bloggers. I could use this time in the mornings to write and some mornings I tell myself that’s actually what I’m gong to do and then the excuse monster slithers right up to my feet while I sit on my throne. He lays his beautiful head against my knees and tells me all the comforting things I need to hear to remain in my complacency. “If you start writing something now you wont get to finish before work.”, You’re going to be late if you can’t get something out in twenty minutes or less.”, “Nobody is going to read what you wrote while you were sitting on the toilet, why waste the energy.” These are just the things he told me this morning but here I am, 7:04 a.m, surely about to be late for work today.

Sitting on the toilet in the mornings is probably the most time I have to myself all day. The events of the day haven’t ruined my outlook. My creativity is high in the morning because work, traffic, grocery store lines, chores, and everything else hasn’t had the chance to come in and rob me of my energy.

Today I made good use of my time on the toilet and I’ve managed to convince you to read what I’ve written since I’ve been sitting here.

Well! Now that I’m good and irredeemably late, I guess I’ll wipe my ass, get up, and get ready to get out the door.

… Wonder what I’ll think of while I’m in the shower.

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