Today has been quite possibly the best day of my recent adult life. I started today by waking up when I felt like waking up. There was no subliminal unconscious alarm clock that set me into motion today. There wasn’t some nagging obligation in the back of my mind motivating me to sleep light enough to remember to wake up by a certain time. No soft wake up call. I truly woke up when I felt like it today. Once I woke up I just laid in bed. I just laid there for about an hour. Once I got up, I did so because I felt like I was truly ready to. Once I go up I made myself a cup of coffee, got dressed, and went to the park to work out with my cousin. Once I got there she had already been there for a while. I was late and I didn’t care. I text her and we met up. No muss, no fuss. She started to talk to me but I showed her that I was on the phone and she was cool. I walked, I talked, I came to conclusions about some things. I faced some issues that I’ve been keeping myself too drunk and too busy to think about recently. Something about breathing the fresh air and having my chest burn from the intense cardio session that I eventually ended up giving in to opened me up and reminded me of what it is i am actually doing here. I stopped and talked to my cousin. Caught up on all the tings going on in her life and then I ran. I didn’t cover great distances. I am no where near where I was when I ran the 5k last year but I ran and it was the best thing for me. By the time I left the park an hour and a half and five miles later I felt at peace with a lot of things. On my way home I stopped by Chipotle because it’s what I wanted. I came home, ate, talked on the phone some more, then I took a bath. Talk about adding to the illumination of the day. For the first time in over 12 years I turned my cell phone off and devoted 100% of my attention to reading a book I bought two years ago but hadn’t created the opportunity to read. The book I read inspired me. I got ou tof the tub bursting with excitement. I have a story line, plot, character ideas, and outline now for a short story or novella that I intend to bring to completion no later than fall. I am through the roof. To celebrate, I ordered wings and decided to paint. The picture I painted came out way better than I ever thought it would and I’m as proud of it as I would be if it was created by an actual artist. Wingstop eaten, alcohol consumed thoughts thought, feelings felt, creativity unleashed, I feel incredible. I feel like I can accomplish things I never even dared to dream. I feel free. I feel smart. I feel. I used to ask myself if I even knew what I liked or wanted or needed for myself and it turns out I know exactly what I want and like for myself. It just requires that I get out of my own way to get it. This Saturday has been the first day that I can say I have truly felt alive, important, valuable, and like I’ve contributed something to the earth’s rotation. There’s supposed to be a full moon out tonight. I’ve set out my crystals, lit my candles and I’m going to burn my incense later tonight to finish the spiritual cleaning of my space that I started a few days ago. I feel good. I hope you all do too.
Published by HalfOfAWhole
Big city girl with dreams of being slightly more than mediocre, currently working on a novel tentatively titled "Coffee". I decided to start this blog after looking for, and not finding many, if any, blog sites about being black, lesbian, and married at the same time. As a result, this will be a safe space for all lesbians regardless of color to come and share their everyday experiences minus the over-sexualization of our relationships. View all posts by HalfOfAWhole