Here’s the thing about grief. It has a way of bringing out the best in people.
For those of you who read the blog yesterday, you know that my dear friend’s funeral was yesterday and that I didn’t find out that he had passed until yesterday. When I checked Facebook at 3 am and found out that he was gone, I could swear I could hear my earth shatter. The news was like the impact of hammer to glass. I was, am, shattered.
I spent the entire day in bed yesterday. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t process things. All I could do was cry, drink, and write. It felt like an unbearable task to understand, and cope, with the loss of someone who had such a big impact on my life and who meant so much to me. Yesterday was dark, and I walked the road of grief alone mourning my friend.
The pain that I felt, feel, is so great that I was, have, been reduced to little more than a drunken shadow of myself. Even as I type this out I am filled with remorse, sorrow, loneliness, and heartache but today I am not alone. Today my friend showed up.
I’ve been at odds with my friend now for quite some time. We hadn’t been speaking much. Things between us had been so tense and stressed that we barely had been keeping up with texting each other. Even with the tension and distance between us though, she was the first person that I could reach out to when I heard the news. A single text and she was in my home. No pretense. No expectation. Hell. No conversation for the first 12-hours. There was simply a silent understanding that I needed help and she came to help me.
Shared words between us for months couldn’t bring us to the same table. Grief however, grief brought us to the same room. Brought us to the same space. Grief seemed to sweep away all of the turmoil from our relationship temporarily, and presented us a way to meet in the middle.
I guess in life when you are faced with a concept as sobering as death, and the pain and destruction it sometimes brings with it, you tend to be able to look past the petty differences and see straight into the core of who a person is. Don’t get me wrong though. Grief did not make all of our disagreements go away. It hasn’t changed the issues in our friendship that still need to be addressed. Grief wasn’t some magic wand that came in and restored the broken connection between us but it did provide a bridge for us to meet each other again.